After adopting Halle, we were anxious to recertify and start looking for another new family member since we didn't know how long that search might take. So on May 31st, 2007, a month and a half after my hysterectomy, we had the papers approved.
Now, almost three years later, we have had one official failed adoption, almost got selected another time for a little boy, and at least 75 other hopeful possibilities in between. To say the least, we have had our ups and downs. However, looking over the past three years I can see my heart being opened, little by little. As time wanes on, I start to feel like some adoption situations I wasn't previously open to are not as scary now as they were before.
We gave gone from-
We only want to adopt babies
to
We only want to adopt kids that are younger than Halle
to
We will only adopt a child a little older than Halle if there is another one that's younger, and only if the older one is a girl that doesn't have too many problems. She definitely can't have FAS or other drug-related problems and we can't deal with abuse of any kind.
to
We will only adopt a child older than Halle if there is another one that's younger or the same age, and it would be ok if they were boys. Still can't accept the FAS or drug-related problems but we are ok with physical deformities and some cognitive delays as well as some degrees of abuse.
to
Well, we aren't to the next step yet.
Each change of heart has taken time as well as education. Once we learned more about certain special needs, it didn't seem as impossible to handle as it had once before. For the past two years, Neal and I have both had many various opportunities to work with children with autism in our ward. We have about six kids that I know of who are either in Primary or just graduated. What a learning experience for both of us as we help them to keep up with the class and participate in their own ways.
So as the Lord continues to prepare us for the special children he has in store for us, we keep praying for them. We know they are experiencing trials right now that, as a mother, I would never want them to be exposed to. But since I can't protect them, I have to rely on the Lord to be at their side until they are safely in our arms.
