I'm pretty sure we will be able to give Dillon a safe and happy home life and help him become a successful adult. However, the amount of grace and dignity we do it with still remains to be seen. I'm not going to lie to you. Adopting a six-year-old with special needs is not an easy task. Neal and I often debate with each other at the end of a hard day about who's first six months in our home were the most work – Dillon's or Halle's. Dillon isn't quite at six months yet, but we still can't decide.
Both times we have been in the school of firsts for learning new parenting skills. Halle as a new baby was a lot of work. She wasn't one of those kids that could sit contently somewhere and watch the world. In fact, we only tried once to take her through the grocery store still strapped in her car seat. She wouldn't have it because her social nature demanded human interaction at all times. The multiple nightly feedings, the diapers, the excessive laundry from a whole bottle of spit-up or major diaper blowouts, and everything else that goes with a newborn was certainly very exhausting.
However, Dillon challenges us intellectually as parents as we are constantly searching for the best way to parent him. Conversations about his types of needs don't often come up in play group conversations or basic parenting materials, so we have to gain our insights from specialists who have helped us tremendously. His high level of ADHD combined with what's called Reactive-Attachment Disorder (commonly found in children of abuse) as well as his high IQ make for a perfect storm of unique parenting situations on a daily basis.
For example, the things that don't work so far for discipline – time outs, sticker charts, losing toy privileges- you know, the usual stuff every parent uses. We have discovered, however, that running laps in front of the house does seem to work. I'm not sure what the neighbors think because there are days he gets about two miles of running done out front, but at least he's working off some extra energy. In fact, when we started attending the Love and Logic classes offered by our school district a couple of weeks ago, the teacher brought us special materials to read and listen to. Apparently love and logic is not quite enough for us, but I do think it's helping and the materials on RAD have been very insightful.
I don't believe there was any way for us to fully prepare for this experience of bringing Dillon into our family, but I do know that the Lord had a hand in giving us what we've needed to get this far. Had we been presented with Dillon even a year or two ago, I can confidently say we would not have been ready for him. However, through our major trials with Neal's unemployment two years ago and a lost adoption opportunity, we became so much stronger as a couple and discovered some valuable strengths we didn't even know we were going to need.
The Lord sees Dillon's potential as much as he also sees mine. I am grateful for this opportunity to be stretched a little (or a lot), and I am also deeply touched to have a spouse who has been willing to learn and grow right along with me.
