Ten Ways to Support To A RAD Mom

Ten Ways to Support To A RAD Mom
by Anna Glendenning

Reactive Attachment Disorder, RAD, is one of those things other people
don't really notice. The reactive part is usually seen and felt the
most by the primary caregiver--or the mom in most cases. What a RAD
Mom needs the most is support from others in ways you may have never
thought of.

1. A RAD Mom needs help teaching her child with Reactive Attachment
Disorder that mom's are in charge of taking good care of their
children. And that their mom is a good mom who takes care of her
children.

2. A RAD Mom needs friends who don't hug her RAD Child. The best way
to help a family dealing with a child who has reactive attachment
disorder is to help the child learn to get his or her hugs for mom and
dad. The same is true for other intimate things the child might want
to do, like sit on laps or give you a neck rub.

3. A RAD Mom needs friends who can support how we respond to our
child. No matter what the situation looks like the parents need to be
considered the ones in charge especially when it comes to discipline.

4. A RAD Mom needs people who have suggestions, ideas or criticism to
talk to us privately when our child is not around. Triangulation is a
natural behavior for children with Reactive Attachment Disorder and
questioning the parents in front of the child empowers the child.

5. A RAD Mom needs friends who don't fall into the trap of hearing the
child say, "I wish you were my mom, you are much better then the one I
got." Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder often shop for new,
improved and better parents.

6. A RAD Mom needs an occasional hour to take a shower or paint her
toe nails. A great way to be supportive to someone who is parenting a
child with Reactive Attachment Disorder is to offer her a break once
in awhile. Even if it's just to come over and supervise the child
while mom gets a break.

7. A RAD Mom needs time alone with a RAD Dad. Often one of the most
important things parents of children with emotional or mental health
disorders are told they need is respite. Families who adopt children
from the foster care system often receive adoption subsidy funds for
respite care. RAD parents need a regular break, but they also need a
respite provider who can deal with the issues of a special needs
child.

8. A RAD Mom needs friends who can remind her about why and how it
came about that she is the mother of a child with Reactive Attachment
Disorder. We need to be reminded that our child came to us this way
and that the best we can do is love the child and provide them with
the best we can.

9. A RAD Mom needs to be reminded that many children with Reactive
Attachment Disorder heal and become healthy adults. We need to
remember what the goals are with our children and like other parents
we need to hope for the best.

10. Most of all a RAD Mom needs friends. Parenting a child with
Reactive Attachment Disorder can be isolating and defeating. RAD mom's
often withdraw and feel alone. The number one thing we need is a
friend willing to listen and maybe have coffee now and then.